How to Write Opening Messages That Actually Get Replies

by Давид Шнуров January 20, 2026

In the world of online dating, your first message can make or break a potential connection. With countless profiles vying for attention, sending a generic “Hey” or “Hi, how are you?” rarely gets a response. The key to success is crafting opening messages that are engaging, personal, and tailored to the person you’re reaching out to.

Writing messages that actually get replies requires a mix of strategy, creativity, and genuine interest. It’s not about clever one-liners or pickup lines—it’s about starting a conversation that sparks curiosity, shows attentiveness, and encourages interaction.

This article explores actionable strategies, examples, and tips to make your first messages stand out.

Why Your Opening Message Matters

Your opening message is your first impression in the digital dating world. It signals your personality, communication style, and level of interest. A thoughtful, well-crafted message demonstrates effort, sets a positive tone, and increases the likelihood of receiving a response.

Conversely, generic messages are easily ignored because they don’t give the recipient a reason to engage. In online dating, quality always beats quantity—sending 50 “Hey” messages is far less effective than sending 5 personalized messages that spark curiosity.

Personalization Is Key

The most effective messages reference something specific from the person’s profile. Whether it’s a hobby, travel destination, favorite book, or unique detail in their photos, personalization shows attentiveness and genuine interest.

Examples:

Instead of “Hey, what’s up?” try: “I noticed you love hiking in the Rockies—what’s your favorite trail?”
Instead of “Hi there,” try: “Your sunset photos are amazing! How long have you been into photography?”

By referencing something specific, you immediately demonstrate that your message isn’t generic, making it more likely to get a reply.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions encourage conversation because they require more than a simple “yes” or “no” answer. These types of questions invite storytelling, sharing of experiences, and playful banter.

Examples of open-ended questions:

“What’s the most memorable trip you’ve ever taken?”
“If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be?”
“I saw you enjoy cooking—what’s your signature dish?”

These questions provide your match with an opportunity to engage in meaningful conversation and showcase their personality.

Use Humor and Playfulness

Humor is an excellent way to break the ice and make your message stand out. A playful or witty opening can capture attention and create a sense of fun.

Examples:

“Quick question: Pineapple on pizza—yes or no?”
“I’m trying to settle an argument: Is coffee or tea the ultimate morning beverage?”
“I see you’re a fan of dogs—do you think cats secretly rule the world?”

Playful humor makes your message memorable, signals approachability, and invites interaction in a relaxed way.

Keep It Concise and Clear

While personalization and humor are important, messages should also be concise. Long paragraphs can be overwhelming and may not be fully read. Aim for 2–4 sentences that highlight a detail, include a question, and convey genuine interest.

For example:
“Hey! I saw your profile and noticed you love painting. I’ve been trying to get back into art myself—what inspires your favorite pieces?”

This message is short, personal, and encourages a reply without being overwhelming.

Avoid Common Mistakes

Certain habits reduce your chances of getting replies:

Generic greetings: “Hey” or “Hi” alone rarely work.
Overly sexual comments: Avoid inappropriate remarks in the first message.
Copy-pasting: Using the same message for multiple profiles signals lack of effort.
Negativity or complaints: A negative tone can be off-putting.

By avoiding these pitfalls, your messages are more likely to attract positive attention.

Match Tone and Personality

Tailor your message to match the tone and personality conveyed in their profile. If their profile is humorous and casual, a playful opener works. If it’s thoughtful and introspective, a more reflective question is better.

For example:

Playful profile: “Your love for skydiving is impressive! Ever had a jump go hilariously wrong?”
Thoughtful profile: “I noticed you enjoy reading philosophy. Which book has influenced you most?”

Matching tone shows attentiveness and helps establish rapport from the start.

Highlight Shared Interests

Finding common ground is an excellent way to start a conversation. Shared hobbies, favorite shows, or travel experiences create immediate rapport and make it easier for the other person to respond.

Examples:

“I see we both love sushi. Do you have a favorite spot in the city?”
“You mentioned hiking—I’m planning a trip to the Grand Canyon. Any tips?”

Shared interests provide natural topics for discussion and create a sense of connection.

Be Confident but Respectful

Confidence is attractive, but overconfidence or arrogance can be off-putting. Express genuine interest without pressure or expectation.

Confident: “Your profile caught my eye! I’d love to hear more about your travels.”
Overbearing: “You HAVE to reply—I’m too interesting to ignore!”

A confident yet respectful tone encourages engagement while making the conversation enjoyable for both parties.

Timing and Follow-Up

Timing matters in online communication. Sending messages when your match is likely active increases visibility. However, avoid excessive follow-ups if there’s no response. A polite follow-up after a few days is fine, but persistence beyond that can feel intrusive.

Example of a good follow-up:
“Hey, I just wanted to follow up—did you get a chance to see my message about your hiking adventures?”

Test, Learn, and Adapt

Not every message will get a reply, and that’s okay. Online dating is partly about trial and error. Pay attention to which types of messages generate responses and adjust your approach over time.

Over time, you’ll develop a style that feels natural, aligns with your personality, and resonates with the people you’re interested in connecting with.

Examples of Effective Opening Messages

Here are some examples that combine personalization, open-ended questions, and humor:

“I saw you love traveling—what’s the most unforgettable place you’ve visited?”
“Your profile says you enjoy cooking. If I were your taste tester, what would be on the menu?”
“You have an amazing smile in your photos! Does it come naturally, or is there a secret?”
“Pineapple on pizza—yes or no? Your answer may determine our compatibility!”
“I noticed you enjoy reading. I’m looking for book recommendations—any favorites?”

These examples demonstrate attentiveness, invite conversation, and showcase personality in a friendly way.

Conclusion

Writing opening messages that actually get replies is about personalization, curiosity, and engagement. By referencing details from a profile, asking open-ended questions, using humor, keeping messages concise, and avoiding common mistakes, you increase your chances of starting meaningful conversations.

Successful messaging is not about gimmicks—it’s about showing genuine interest, creating rapport, and inviting dialogue. Online dating may feel challenging at first, but with practice and attention to detail, your messages can transform from ignored greetings to conversations that spark connection, chemistry, and potential relationships.

Remember: a great opening message is the first step toward turning a profile view into a meaningful connection.